full of hate.

You make me feel so much hatred, hate feels up my body everytime I even hear your voice. You make me want to leave and NEVER come back. It's crazy, I'm crazy. I'm literally completely insane. I could care less about you, I wish you were never in my life. You can fake cry and tell your sob stories all you want, I will never feel bad for you and your bratty self. You act like the world owes you something, and it doesn't. You're not freaking queen of the world, so you need to stop thinking you are. The world would be a crazy, dementive place if you were queen. Everyone would smart off to everyone. Sometimes I just want to hit you, square in the face. But I have to be "mature". I'm fifteen years old, I'm pretty sure I'm not mature. I'm tired of getting in trouble for your crap. You're number one on my hate list, you make me cringe. I'm not over exageratting either. You're voice, so high pitched when you're being "sweet and innocent" but then when the real you comes out, everyone knows. You can't pretend to be great, everyone's caught on to your little games and mind tricks.

Life Story?

The good thing about having a blog is because I can go on, and on, and on all I want and no one even knows who I am. So you can't judge me, people have the same problems as me. &, I'm super sorry you have to go through that stuff. Okay, listen to this I'm fifteen, and when I was thirteen I found out my dad had been cheating on my mom for a really long time with a girl that is addicted to every drug you could think of. She got my dad addicted, which caused him to go mentally insane. Everything was wrong in his eyes, nothing was ever right. He hit my mom, and threatened all our lives, and I never felt safe. The fear of him was always present in my body. But, I'm gonna go back a little in time. It started when I was about ten. My nana got Kidney cancer, it was very tragic. She recovered after surgery, and one of the WORST things that has ever happened to me happened. My mamaw had an anurism. She was the person I was closest to since I was born, she was my second mom and I never left her side. She was my role model. When she had her anurism she was rushed to the hospital in a lifeforce helicopter. She stayed in the hospital for about 8 months in a coma. She woke up from it, and she had to go to a nursing home for about three months. That was torture. Now, she's paralyzed on her left side and has to be in a wheelchair, and she will never be the same. Her brain don't work the same, and neither does she. Shortly after, my dad had a stroke. It was his second one, and it was mild. But no stroke is actually "mild". He got out of the hospital. &, after that the whole dad cheating thing happened. We had to leave my dad and sneak out in the middle of the night. We had to stay with my family, and not tell anyone where we were because he was threatening to hunt us down and kill us. He's so scary. My dad is one of the worst people I've ever met in my life, but I love him so much. I'm constantly missing him. I'm not allowed to see him. He doesn't pay child support and doesn't put an effort in to see me. I now have a stepsister, that I hate. She ruins my life everytime I see her. But, yet. I still feel like all of this is my fault. Everything that has went on, is because of me. I wish I could be the person people would want me to be, rather than what I am. I'm stupid, and crazy, and completely horrible. I have an attitude, because I hide my sadness with a smile constantly. I swear, if you talk to me, you would think I was the happiest person ever. Well, don't judge a book by it's cover, because I'm not. I'm constantly downing myself, and wishing God would just make me right. Make me so my dad tried for me, make me so I was smarter, make me so that I get along with everyone. He seems to do none of that. I love God, and I'm 100% Christian, but I feel like I'm a complete mistake and I get on everyone's nerves. I'm tired of everyone jumping onto me for everything. I wish people would just live in my shoes for a day before they tell me I do nothing. I wake up early, go to school, talk to people I know that talk about me, hide my sadness, have to deal with the fact my own father cares nothing about me, come home, pretend I'm happy more, occasionlly deal with the stepfamily I don't like, excluding my stepdad. It's just all too much for me to handle. I'm fifteen, and in the past year I've been forced to grow up. I'm done.